Friday, January 16, 2004
You know what, You are not depressed at all. Its just that you are pushing yourself, hard enough to drive u to the end. Time management is a factor for u, you muz learn how to plan ur time well. Sometimes u may think tt time is not enough for u, hv u considered y not enough time? did u waste time doing this or tt?.. U gotta question yourself this at times, to stay on track of what you're doin. Everybody needs at least 6-8hrs of sleep, your brain will not function as well in the nite, its tired after a whole day of activities you've done.
Wats the pt of pushing urself to e edge yet not getting wateva u deserve? Study smart, not so hard w/o aim. Ur aim is to take over or be on par w everyone. Wats the use??Go and go and go.. have u understood wat u've learnt fully??
Be yourself, be who you are. If ur parents scold, let them be. Considerin the fact tt they are also as stressed up as you r. Sometimes, try to think in other ppl's shoes.. Humans are not perfect, they make mistakes, they are all the negative pts u can think of. Every human has a little of all these negative pts. No one person is perfect.
Everyone has their duty to accomplish, you are yourself, you do your job. But as a reminder,'Do consider of oths, not only for yourself.' Don't always see the negative pts of yourself, and see the perfect pts of oths. They mayb weaker than you in oth things tt u may not know of!!
Trust your ability, trust yourself.
Till Then! (Dun wanna hurt you further, but as a fren, a reminder, a knock on your door.)
-Kid
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
11:28:00 PM
Thursday, January 15, 2004
haven blogged for so long,all i see in tis blog now r messages of darkness,messages of depression...everyone is stressed,depressed..but i guess i m juz feeling more of it..i feel like a fighter,fighting all day long,to be e first to complete tutorial,to do well in tests,to understand my work..i dun understand,y am i fighting like this??izzit cos of my ambitious character or cos i feel inferior?!i guess its both...had sports and wellness today,ran 6 rounds ard e soccer field..cramp!!took so freaking long to download e stupid scientific notebook n do tutorial..now still doin..time never seem to be enough..juz now juz got scolded by dad cos my sister dunno how to do accounts n i dunno too..he said i m useless n i juz flared at everyone..y m i to be blamed for everything that happens?izzit my fault that she cannot do,i help her with practically everything except tis n geog..when she doesn't noe how to do,ppl can help her..when i dunno how to do n frens can be selfish sometimes,i feel so hopeless..i find my way out alone..e chair of e eldest child in e family is not a nice one to occupy..i wanna give it up,those who think they are so fucking capable can come n occupy e chair n i ll see how good they are..sometimes,when i m pressurized,my parents dun take my burden off,but instead they add on to it..i really can feel e last straw of sanity snapping..all e emotional turmoil..it can get unbearable..i won die, i will live well,do well n succeed to show em i m strong!
this poem is dedicated to all my pals who stood by to collect me when i stumbled n fell or fall..thank you,i juz wanna let u all know that all of u have a place in my heart n i ll be there watsoever for u..i love u always!!
RAINBOWS
If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you.
And share with you it's beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.
If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own.
A place to find serenity
A place to be alone.
If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea.
But all these things I'm finding
are impossible for me,
I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair
But let me be...what I know best,
a friend that's always there.
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
9:42:00 PM
Monday, January 12, 2004
My inner child is sixteen years old!
Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
8:42:00 PM
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Blue Eyes
What Color Eyes Should You Have? brought to you by Quizilla
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
4:18:00 PM
You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive.
Find out your color at Quiz Me!
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--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
3:33:00 PM
find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
3:29:00 PM
All Quiz nonsense is done by me!
-KID
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
1:42:00 PM
Saturday, January 10, 2004
discover what candy you are @ quiz me
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
10:14:00 PM
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
10:13:00 PM
Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
10:10:00 PM
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
10:06:00 PM
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
9:46:00 PM
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
9:28:00 PM
You are depressed. You avoid your friends and
family and you see no meaning for human life.
Several times you have thought about killing
yourself and all you do is sit up in your room
and cry. You wish that you were out of this
and the only option left that you see is to
take your life. But please, dont, things will
get better. I would greatly suggest a
counceler or someone who can help. This is not
normal and you should seek professional help
immeadietly. (I think that I should start
taking my own advice)
Are you Depressed?
brought to you by Quizilla
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
9:09:00 PM
I HATE MYSELF. Why did I come into this world? Create so much trouble for everybody. Tot of death juz came by me again. Why m I living? Make things difficult for oths. Feel so unwanted. Am I ill or wat? Just a matter of one day, I'll probably kill myself. When I die, troubles for everyone will disappear. Am I suffering from depression? I dunno. I feel as though I'm not worth it to be living in this world. Feel like a useless piece of thing. I totally hate myself. Why m I like tt? WHY!!?????? Just bang me, n I'll juz perish from this place. Take a knife n stab right into my heart. Then all problems will solve. Feel very upset. Feel terrible.
Tongues are like knives piercing thru a person's heart.
I HATE MYSELF. Maybe I should just perish forever.
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
1:43:00 AM
Thursday, January 08, 2004
Hello! Well.. Today's Thursday! E dreadful day.. and tom!! Friday is coming! Will be going down to TKD.. Oh yes! But.. oOkies.. Yeah yeah.. cuz its steven n jenlin.. (-_-)..?? =D
RH left for Brisbane, Aunty Cat n Christine left for NZ.. Cheryl's dad leaving for NZ tom.. Well.. ooKies den..
Long Story.. What happened last nite.. Ya, I was crying superbly badly. Almost for 45mins.. Felt so... Very Sad. Yepz, tot what if I'd ended my life now.. What's gonna happen? Shall I juz choke myself to death.. Seriously! Since all e phlegm was stuck at my nose, n partly my throat too.. At tt moment, I dun c a pt in living.Y live life so difficult? But think abt it, its e difficult part of life which makes u stronger n stronger. Really thanks to Yixin, was msging her.. den I juz tot, forget abt wat had happened juz now..U can't juz die yet.
Felt super heart broken cuz of Kenson. U c, if u really cared for someone though u alwaz say i dun care what's gonna happen to him n stuff. Cried for him, felt sad for him though, and angry too. Maybe I was angry for my mum too.
1) He was seeing porn, its not a big thing BUT, everytime when i check at my History.. There's alwaz porn sites listed! Obviously its him!cuz He's e one who's using e comp! I've scolded him for it b4, once n again..he said not to tell mummy.. Ok, fine! I didn't.. but wateva he promises me, he dun even fufill! What do u call this?? What sort of crap!
2) He has a hp rite.. Ya.. My mum's e one topping up.. ok, y not u count.. everytime when she buys e top up card its $10+ or maybe $20? Not even 1 week, spent $10 on it.. wats e difference? 1 mth $40 plus.. Anyway, tts besides e issue.
What exactly happened was that he mis-used the HP. He went to fusion chats n stuffs ok.. and got to know this guy called JEREMY. Ken bluffed my parents say this guy is in his sch, sec 4. Wat a lie! When my mum 1st told me abt it, I knew its a lie.. and i told her, he's lying. Yet she doesn't believe. OK.. Up to her!
Then juz recently she confiscated his hp... was scared ok.. tt he was gonna steal my hp again. FeaR of wat? MY OWN BRO.. Its stoopid not to even trust ur own flesh. I juz can't do tt!He's juz letting fear to overpower me!.. Anyway, Yest was the thing. She saw the msges in his hp.. I read on my own later.. Its was Kenson who approached Jeremy in e 1st place, i guess from e fusion thing. HE'S JUST PLAINLY STUPID. He gave our hse tel & his hp no. Hse Tel OK!! And from wat I read, I suppose Jeremy is a psycho too la.. he types msges like 'dear'.. OMG! There's a possibility tt he's a GAY ok. Hate it.
U know how pampered Ken is.. I hate it when he's shouting at my parents. I've talked to em abt it, but there's like nothing done. Not tt I can see what they're doin at all! He's like climbing over my mum's head ok, I HATE IT. He's NOT SOMEONE WHOM I RESPECT S A PERSON. EAT, DRINK, LIVE AND BE MERRY. What sort of stupid life is this? U think u're tt great? NO, you're not. You're juz on e wrong path.
Tired.. Sign off
KID
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
10:38:00 PM
Saturday, January 03, 2004
Hey Dude! Hey Chick! Hey Bloggy.. =D.. Hmm.. I've found something, an aim, a meaning in life. Tkd is the thing, which kinda let me see what I wanna do. But sometimes I still do feel 1/2 empty.. =( I've stopped TKD for almost 3yrs, but when I'm back.. it really keeps me going.. the interest is still there.. The great feeling is there. I look forward to the classes! The joy of teaching those kids.. Woah.. so happy! =D
Ken will be going back to get his poom.. happy for him! =) Was hoping maybe after ken's uniform, Ix can have it.. I mean she wants to join. No forcing, its just an interest! Seriously, no matter what age, if you have the dream now, go for it!! Don't let ur dream slip away like tt, juz becuz of ur age! Who cares!! Lucky enuff, someone u k=noe is in TKD and can coach u too! ;) But it still comes up to urself.
oOkies, so Rh's leaving for aust, really.. I suppose so.. Does he even noe which country is he off too? One moment it sounds like Auckland, tts NZ.. e nxt moment it sounds like Oakland, aust..!!?? Whatever tt is.. which him the very best! I'm sure he's gonna enjoy his time there.. but gotta take goody care! ;)
Yest, Rh told steven to take care of me.. OH WELL.. THANKs. Steven has Jenlin to care of! ;) Well, its just natural.. Jenlin was under Steven, of cuz steven wld definitely take gd care of her.. and for me, I'm under Rh, so obviously he has to look out for me! Really, sometimes its the instructor-student bond.. Look up to Rh like a Big Bro.. He knows tt too OK! There's nothing more to tt, than just THAT. Sometimes he shares his probs with me.. cuz maybe he cant find someone he can talk to?? Here's my listening ear then! Surprisingly, even his gf doesn't really listen to his prob. Not tt, but its a 7yr relationship.. so u noe, if u're planning to get married n stuffs... U shld try hearing to his prob! Not him juz listening to urs!! =) Haha.. I just counted.. there's abt 25 - 26 fridays b4 Rh will be back.. Ahh........... Better hurry.. I dun wanna rot tog w steven n jenlin.. E bond ain't tt close.. =O.... Look forward to Ken! ;) & maybe.. Ix??.. =D
Sch's starting on MONDAY! like... wat the h***!!! Ok, now I'm looking forward to Chinese New Year.. Good timing.. I want the HOLs! den my AttAchMent! YES YES!! Hurry n come.. I WANNA STAY OUT OF SCH! I dunno.. I juz dislike or rather 'hate'?? school... Oh ya, I'm sure to be in for this year's june orientation prog for e Year 1 studs.. den have this camp thingy??!! Haiz....... Dun like camp when my buds ain't ard..wont be tt fun u noe.. Argg! I doubt cassy & e rest will be in.. *fRowN frOwn*
This year's 'resolution' (u call tt..) SLIM DOWN BY ABT 10KG.. A DIFFERENT LOOK.. Can't stand my thighs.. its alwaaz e stoopid thighs. DANG!
Stoopid thing tt happened yest, was going back frm tkd.. at tb bus stop.. den ken ask me.. 'y u dun get a bf?'.. 'y shld i? nv tot of having one yet.. mayb i may move career wise 1st'.. 'if u get bf den can M mah!'.. 'wats M by e way??'.. 'Married lor!'... Piang!.. Was abt to skin him!! He's forever so cheeky....
Ix, u study hard in sch, do well.. Wish u the very best! ;)
-Kid
--bOuncy bOuncY *kAbOom*--
1:45:00 PM
